In Jen’s own words…
When asked to write a ‘brief’ insight into my story, I questioned whether I could do this. I thought to myself ‘my story is far too complex to be able to sum it up in a short few paragraphs’. But then I realised how throughout my journey so far, when I have been faced with a challenge I step up to the mark, and I make it happen. So, here is my story:
Growing up I was a happy and healthy child who lived and breathed sport. And I was very successful with both my academic and sporting achievements. From the age of twelve I was playing cricket for Kent, representing Kent for Cross Country Running and Athletics as well as participating in any other sport where I could find the time. Life was good as a child, and I loved every moment.
However, in my teen years I developed anorexia nervosa which lead to a hospitalisation in my early twenties. I was in a critical state when admitted to hospital and there was little hope I would recover. However somehow, someway I managed to find some inner strength, determination and drive to want to recover from this illness. And so I began a long journey to restore my physical and mental health. I had a vision of leaving the hospital and being able to return to my sport, and continue working towards my goals of representing Great Britain at either cricket or running (I hadn’t quite decided at that point).
Someway into my recovery I began to experience pain in my back. To begin with this pain was leaving me in tears on any movements. And it soon began to spread, I started feeling pain in my feet, knees and hips. For me this was not only an immense source of suffering, but it was puzzling as previously I had only ever experienced pain through injury during sport. So, like most people we began to get tests, scans and multiple visits to countless health care professionals including physios, psychotherapists, doctors, hypnotherapists, movement specialists, nutritionists, the list was endless. I was in desperate search to see if anyone could shed some light on this unexplained pain. This went on for a good couple of years, all the while my hope gradually fading before my eyes as I struggle to walk for five minutes without breaking down or sit through a coffee date with a friend before becoming in terrible discomfort. This led to a desperate google search, which became a moment I will never forget. I vividly remember laying on my bed one evening, crying and typing in to google ‘success stories of overcoming chronic pain’. And this search led me to Richmond Stace. I instantly knew at that moment I wanted to work with Richmond, to try something different. And what an incredible decision that way.
My first appointment with Richmond was similar to many, myself walking in depressed and clearly rapidly loosing hope. Yet upon leaving my energy had changed completely, and my mind was fixed, pain can and will change, I can do this. Over the coming weeks Richmond taught me what pain was and I began to understand that I can influence this pain simply by choosing my thoughts, feelings and actions wisely, always keeping them inline with my vision, to be happy and healthy. Richmond provided me with tools such as mindfulness, visualisation, motor and sensory skills, the power of gentle touch and lastly he empowered me to know that I can and will live a fulfilling life.
We worked slowly, acknowledging that i had also been diagnosed with osteoporosis from my eating disorder so we were mindful of this when putting plans and programmes together for me. And the changes in my pain and happiness were incredible. Within a few weeks I was doing things I had longed to do for so long, I was back out walking pain free, I was in the gym, going to yoga, I could swim. Running and cricket were being held back for the time being until my bone density improved but they remain goals in sight. Richmond’s approach was one that was so different to any other practitioner I had seen before, but one that truly changed my outlook on pain.
Four years later, I now have a 1st Class honours degree in Sport and Exercise for Health, I have a distinction from my Masters degree in Clinical Nutrition and Eating Disorders, and I am now pursuing a PhD at Griffith university in Australia exploring the effects of low energy availability on injury risk and sporting performance in athletes. I now enjoy going to the gym most days of the week, I am a qualified yoga teacher who practices most days and I love nothing more than a long walk in nature. There is a famous quote that says ‘don’t look back you’re not going that way’, but I don’t like this quote because for me sometimes looking back is truly remarkable, as it allows me to really see how far I have come. From a place of suffering, from a place where all hope was lost, from a dark depression, to now being in a place where I moved on significantly, I am living a fulfilling life, living an adventure. I would be lying to say I am free from my issues with pain, I still get some periods where I experience pain like I previously did, and occasionally I find myself slipping back into old habits. However, I soon realise this does not benefit me in the slightest, so I turn back to all the tools in the toolbox I now have to overcome difficult times. If I experience an increased period of pain, my instant reaction used to be ‘this is a disaster’ and I would seek out physios, doctors, pills and potions to try to find a quick solution. But through my increased knowledge and understanding of pain I no longer react in such a way, instead I now view these experiences like this ‘ok, I feel you. What is the next best decision I can make that is going to help the situation (whether that be rest, movement, sleep, mindfulness, 3 deep breaths, laughter, food/ drink, meeting a friend) that is in line with my underlying vision of health and happiness’. Ultimately my next decisions always try to reduce the threat level, to reassure my body and mind that I am ok, I am safe. I have leant to observe my thoughts, feelings and actions and change them if they are not serving me well or if they contribute to suffering in any way.
I will never be able to thank Richmond enough for his ongoing help, support, guidance and encouragement during this stage of my life. Not only has he provided me with so many tools to overcome chronic pain, but also I have learnt so much about myself, who I am, what I want, my visions, goals and not to mention to wonderful books I have been guided too along the way. Richmond you are truly incredible and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
So, for anyone out there who may be in that dark place right now, please trust me when I say, pain can and does change, when given the right environment to do so. Our experience of pain is influenced by our emotional state, fatigue, prior experience, our beliefs, our environment, our anticipation and expectation about pain. This can seem overwhelming however it is also truly empowering because having so many factors that influence pain means there is so much opportunity to change pain, because after all we are always changing. So, in this moment don’t be afraid to leave the shoreline, dive in and explore, along the way you will learn there is real depths to explore. There may be some darker patches, and inevitable challenges, and every now and again you may feel like the waves crash down on you. But trust me there is a shimmering horizon that calls you, and this is a journey that will ultimately take you towards that horizon. So, reach far, reach wide, take those meaningful steps, even if you need to tip toe forward to start, begin now and know there is a meaningful life out there for you too.